America’s Finest City might have burned to the ground. When the worst riots since the Civil War struck, one man knew what to do. He did it. You might think his fellow citizens would be grateful. Throw him a parade, give him the key to the city, build a statue of him. But … Read more
“You certainly can’t say the people of Texas haven’t shown you a warm welcome, Mr. President,” Mrs. Connally said. As he continued grinning and waving at the crowd, the President nodded at her. Why was the car moving so damn slow? Some men’s wives you took the time to learn their names. The … Read more
This is only a test
The donut shop was closed. That meant the surf was good. Jerry, the hippie donut man, only opened his shop when he felt like it. When the surf was good, he never felt like it. I should be out surfing with Jerry and the other old dudes. Risking hepatitis from the Tijuana River runoff. … Read more
When it rains in Tijuana, it floods. My soaked shoes squished. Looky loo neighbors hovered around Hector’s front door. They held their phones up high. Trying to capture a fragment of this controlled chaos. The flashing sirens. Cops, paramedics, and other strangers rushing in and out. They would later share those shards with family, … Read more
As you relax your jaw, you feel your neck and shoulders relax as well. That wave of relaxation travels down your entire body until it reaches the soles of your feet. As you now begin to become conscious of your breathing, you become conscious of how your unconscious controls your breathing as well. Even when … Read more
If you want to sell me something, tell me a story. Tell me a story about this secret. This secret needs to come from a mysterious yet familiar source. Nazi Secret Soviet Secret Confederate Secret. I have yet to experience a sales pitch spawned from a Confederate Secret. Stonewall Jackson’s Magick Secret of Masculine Potency … Read more
I woke to find yet another leprechaun orgy on my front lawn. After walking through the wiggling freckled flesh and ginger pubic hair, I grabbed their pot of gold and tossed it in the back of my truck. I then turned on the sprinklers and began composing a sternly worded letter to the home owners … Read more
